Coach Grudda

 

   Dave has recently discovered a means by which he can exercise his obvious passion [or rather, "obsession"] for soccer after school: He is one of the middle school soccer coaches. This responsibility has allowed him to live out his passion for creating a successful soccer team. In fact, the team has not yet lost a single game this season. The first weekend of February will mark the beginning of the closing tournament for the season. He is looking forward to more success as well as more comical relief akin to the story below...

Soccer Player: "Coach, I can't warm up because I don't feel good..."

Dave: "Why don't you feel good?"

Soccer Player: "Coach, I just ate two bags of candy."

Dave: "Why would you eat two bags of candy just before a game?" 

Soccer Player: "Because I was stressed, coach!" 

Dave: "Then go warm up!"

   Dave's next goal is to convert the entire middle school soccer team into raging Ivory Coast fans for the upcoming Africa cup. If any of the players object, they will be running laps. :)

-David & Nicole

How to Buy a Chicken

Warning: this post is not for those with a weak stomach

      While you can purchase packaged meats analogous to those found at any American grocery store here in Casa, it is much more cost-efficient to purchase whole chickens at the local markets. We typically buy whole chickens several times a month. Actually…Nicole usually wanders through the clothing area while Dave buys the chickens. This post is evidence of why Nicole usually refuses to participate in the purchasing of a whole chicken…

• Step 1: Meander through the clothing department of the Hay Hassani market until you hear the sound of squawking chickens who are undoubtedly watching their dear chicken friends die via an knife to the neck. The rancid smell of old chicken poop and blood will soon follow… and that’s how you’ll know you’ve reached your destination. Walk carefully around the pools of blood, through clouds of floating chicken feathers, and approach any of the dozen chicken stands that are lined up side-by-side.
  
• Step 2: Carefully scrutinize over the selection of live, caged chickens and select the one that best suits your dinner desires. Assuming you are not fluent in Moroccan Arabic/French, simply point and grunt in the general direction of your poultry selection until the chicken salesman grabs a hold of your chicken and sets it on the scale to be weighed.

• Step 3: After weighing the live chicken and settling on a respectable price, the chicken salesman quickly slits the jugular of your chicken in accordance to Halal requirements: guidelines outlined in the Qu’ran. The still-stirring body is then placed upside-down into a bucket in order to allow the blood to drain.

• Step 4: The chicken is placed into a pot of boiling oil/water [which is likely not changed very habitually]. This opens up the chicken pores and facilitates the process of removing the feathers.
  
• Step 5: Holding the chicken by its feet, the chicken salesman transfers the chicken from the water/oil to an archaic poultry feather removal machine. As outdated as it appears, however, it is reasonably effective.

• Step 6: The chicken salesman slaps your featherless chicken on the counter in front of you and proceeds to cut off its feet, head, and neck. Then he guts the interior of the chicken, making certain to return the heart, gizzard, and lungs for your culinary enjoyment.

• Step 7: The chicken, still lukewarm, is placed in a cheap plastic bag in order to aid in its transport back to your house. On your way out of the market place, be sure to grab some vegetables and herbs.
  
• Step 8: Make Moroccan tagine…

-David & Nicole

Traffic 101

our first Moroccan car

    As we celebrate finally having our car back from the mechanic [still in need of more repairs, but nevertheless], we decided to take a few moments in order to create a post which will hopefully allow you to truly envision the insanity of driving in Casa traffic. It is a unique experience to drive through roads that are congested with taxis, buses, pedestrians, donkey-pulled carts, and animals. So, after much observation, here are some prevalent “traffic rules/guidelines”:

1. The lines in the middle of the road exist solely for beautification and, therefore, should be disregarded. Think of them more as an attempt to imitate the aesthetic beauty of modern roadways, because they in no way denote when you are or are not permitted to pass. Nor do they accurately allude to the number of lanes. The concept of “staying in your own lane” is an outlandish concept to Moroccans; and the actual number of lanes is typically triple what the lines in the middle of the road depict.
   
2. Aggressive tailgating ought to be exercised at all times. A mere inch of space between you and the car in front of you insinuates an invitation to the car beside you to cut you off since, clearly, you are not paying attention to the movement of traffic.
   
3. When turning left, regardless of the number of traffic lanes, it is customary to stay in the far right lane and endeavor to cut off any straight bound and/or oncoming vehicles. This same rule applies in reverse when making a right turn.
   
4. Motorcycles/mopeds are permitted to drive anywhere in the road [or off the road] and may travel in any direction. It is not a requirement to have functioning headlights or reflectors on motorcycles/mopeds when driving at night, and traffic lights may be disregarded altogether when driving them. [Side note: In any and all accidents involving motorcycles/mopeds, it will always be the car’s fault not matter what the circumstances were]
   
5. Never yield for pedestrians, but always yield for animals. This logic seems simple, since animals are incapable of comprehending the “rules” of traffic. It is also illogical, however, in that there are crosswalks everywhere. Yet, the pedestrians here understand that crosswalks are worthless and that vehicles are not expected to stop for them. To cross the road, pedestrians enter into a real-world ‘Frogger’ game via weaving through traffic gaps whenever the opportunity arises.
   
   
6. Never assume that you have the right away, as that concept is vaguely optional.
   
7. As there are no turn signals at traffic lights, you must treat every intersection as though it is a round-point. This means that instead of turning in front of oncoming traffic, you drive beyond the center of the intersection and turn after the oncoming traffic has subsided. [This translates into a whole lot of traffic jams since the oncoming traffic is doing the same thing]
   
8. Honking is used incessantly and can signify a number of things such as:
   
   • “I am driving straight toward you and if you don’t move I will hit you. Further, if I do hit you then you will be paying for any and all damages occurred since I am bigger & you neglected to move out of the way following fair warning”
   • “I am about to pass you because you are driving like a moron”
   • “I am in the process of passing you”
   • “I have just passed you”
   • “I expect that the light is about to turn green and, since you haven’t commenced revving your engine in preparation, you are on the verge of wasting my time with several valuable seconds of slow driving. Therefore, you best start moving”
   • “Dear pedestrian…walk faster, please”
   • “I am irritated that we are in a traffic jam right now” <& these happen all the time

   While these guidelines may paint a good picture of traffic etiquette in Casa [or lack thereof], it is important to note that even these “rules” are not binding. As long as the police are not looking, the insanity of traffic is rather arbitrary. Peculiarly, however, the police are generally stationed at every single intersection…

“Moroccan traffic isn’t like normal traffic. It’s armed combat, a war of wills, in which only the very bravest have a chance to survive.” –Tahir Shah, author of ‘The Caliph’s House, a Year in Casablanca’

   Considering the chaos of traffic coupled with the fact that all vehicles here are standard transmission, Nicole has cleverly managed to avoid driving at all costs… but David plans to force her to start soon enough.

-David & Nicole

Goodbye 2011

    Sbah l'kheer 2012 [good morning 2012]. To ring in the new year, we are going to brief you on all the exciting things that happened in 2011 since our last update.

   The mall had its grand opening at the start of December. There are over 350 top brand name stores and over 40 restaurants inside. Further, there is an IMAX theater large enough for 400 people [which plays movies in English twice a week], and an ice rink. The mall was a big deal for us not only for the entertainment, but also because there are a few specific company names that are now in the mall that we thought we would never see living here: Gap, Starbucks, Banana Republic, American Eagle Outfitters, etc.. So... if you drive 15 minutes away from our house, just past the local snail-soup strip, you will find yourself starring at the new largest mall in Africa. True story. This is the view from the  main entrance:

   We bought a car: an old VW Polo. The entire experience of purchasing a car here, overall, was very frustrating. Cars here hold their value very well. This means that any car that runs, no matter how poorly the condition of the car is in, is worth a minimum of $4,000. So we spent a lot of money on a not so awesome car in the end, but it at least gets us from point A to point B. Or rather... we hope it will get us from point A to point B when we finally get it back from the mechanic...

   We traveled to Chefchaouen for three nights just before Christmas. It was a very picturesque and quiet city; however, the area is known for its abundance of marijuana and the gardeners of such plants are unrelenting in their attempts to sell it. Further, we were informed by a shopkeeper that his ultimate goal is to add value to his life via earning enough money to close his shop and join the Hamas army in Lebanon. Sketchy. But regardless, we managed to keep to ourselves and enjoy our time there. Here are a couple of our favorite pictures:

   We spent Christmas Eve & Christmas day at home in Casa. It was strange not being able to experience the traditional sights, sounds, smells, and even tastes of Christmas back in America. There were many things missed; however, we did our best to make our apartment feel festive. We were finally able to find a small, semi-affordable Christmas tree and we decorated it with a mini-jalaba that we had purchased in Chefchaouen. That alongside our lone nativity set and homemade gingerbread house completed our Christmas decorations. 

    Instead of gifts, we spent some money buying things to make our apartment a little more "homier". [Though... Dave did surprise Nicole with Dunkin Donuts coffee & paper DD cups; & ranch dressing was also gifted to us by a fellow co-worker/friend]. We spent most of our time Christmas Eve/Christmas day watching classic Christmas movies, eating loads of junk food (including cucumber dip and homemade donuts), and joining in on a few fun get-together's with others who were stuck here for the holidays. Overall, it was very good. 

   After Christmas, we traveled via ferry to Spain with another couple. We have very few pictures of this trip since we spent 70% of the trip inside of grocery stores/Ikea. Those who have lived or are living overseas in Africa can appreciate how wonderful that was. We were able to find (and stock up on) an abundance of precious treats that we have missed for the past four months: bacon, pork, bagels, Reese's peanut butter cups, tapioca pudding, cranberry sauce, stuffing mix, tomato soup, cheddar cheese, root beer, cocoa, brown sugar, etc..

    We took a day trip to Gibraltar, which is owned by the UK. It was amazing to be in an all-English environment again, even if for just a short while. At the peak of Gibraltar you can see two continents, three countries, an ocean, and a sea. In spite of how those countries are so close together; however, they are worlds apart. Highlight of the Gibraltar trip: we took cable cars to the top of the rock of Gibraltar where an ape unexpectedly jumped from the rocks and landed on Nicole's head. 

Our New Years resolution: update this blog more frequently.

-David & Nicole